when arrow of love hit you

Have you ever fell in love out of nowhere?

Do you ever fall in love at the fist sight?

This sure is sound so cheesy as it coming from me.

"Jill!!"

people look at me as I shout out loud in the office. That newcomer Jill now coming with her scaredy face.

"Yes Ms. Lucy?"

" this paperwork is no good, redo it all over again."

"All of it?"

"Did you not listen what I said?"

"n-no, I do it all..." and she walk away. The people look at her pitifully and look at me like i'm a witch. As if! I'm just wanting her to redo the things, and she overreact for such a small thing! Just because she's young and beautiful, all of you acting like I am like a stepmother who treat Cinderella badly.

I still feeling irritated from this.

Right now I am walking out from the subway, finishing work, and still irritated from that little girly Jill!

Damn it! The more I am thinking of her, the more I became to hate everything.

Now now Lucy, you are calm right now, don't think about it. just have some... and I look at my right, right, a coffee.

"thank you very much" and I come out from the cafe buying a coffee. I am walking while holding a coffee with my right hand. Yes, things will get much better with a coffee and.... I look at my left, yes, a dinner is necessary.

"Have a good day." and I come out from the restaurant buying me a grilled black pepper fish. Mmm, this sure is tasty for tonight, while watching The little Mermaid, no I have watch that a thousand times, it's time for The lion King. Hakuna matata.

Now god love to hit the arrow of love to your heart anytime, out of nowhere. Again, I know, this is very cheesy coming from me.

But can you imagine you, the hard working office lady who doesn't want to do with any relationship and just wants to focus on her work life suddenly having a very loud heartbeat when looking at a crying man while holding a coffee with your right hand and grilled black pepper fish on your left hand? I tell you, this is very awkward!!!

And now he looks at me, wondering why I just stood still in front of him.

"can I help you?"

WOW! those words shook me! "oh, you're hungry, right? I have a coffee and grilled fish. have this for your dinner!"

"But I.."

"no! it's okay, in fact, I need to go now! just take it and have a good day! bye!" and I dash with all my might back to my own apartment. This is very crazy.

Lucy.... What have you done...? You lost your dinner and you lost your compose. why am I suddenly acting that way? That night, I sleep without eating anything. That fish is quite expensive...

"Ms Lucy..."

" yes?"

"This is the paperwork, I have redo it all."

"oh, thank you."

"is something wrong?"

"nah, nothing wrong."

"really? somehow you look like you hadn't eaten anything."

somehow she suddenly acting nice, it makes me feel uncomfortable. "oh it's nothing, really"

"alright then." and she goes away.

I can't think of anything. I am so hungry. Not just I lost my dinner, I even forgot to go groceries to fill my fridge. Worse, I'm late for work.

Lucy, what have you done!

Sigh, when the work is done I finally can have a meal.

I got out of the busy subway and he coincidentally standing outside the subway.

"oh you are here."

I... I have no idea what to say.

"thank you for what you did yesterday, please let me buy you a dinner."

No, I can't go with him. I have to settle the matter with my fridge, I have to finish my set of Disney movies, and most importantly, I have to settle my growling stomach.

"Yes."

WAIT A MINUTE! WHAT DID I SAY?!

"oh, thank you for accepting it, my name is Jack."

superwoman

Right now I am inspired with this song.

It's giving me ideas that we are just human and need to be always consider to others and we have to be strong no matter how weak you are.

It is impressive that a song can tell a story that can be related with our life, but what impress me the most is the way the song is told not through sad tone, but in strong tone to show how strong a woman are when facing the sadness.

I will include the lyric to understand it better.

Lyric:

Early in the morning I put breakfast at your table
And make sure that your coffee has its sugar and cream
Your eggs are over easy, your toast done lightly
All that's missing is your morning kiss that use to greet me

Now you say the juice is sour
It used to be so sweet
And I can't help but to wonder
If you're talking 'bout me

We don't talk the way we used to talk
It's hurting so deep
I've got my pride, I will not cry
But it's making me weak

I'm not your superwoman
I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down
And think that everything's okay
Boy, I am only human
This girl needs more than occasional hugs
As a token of love from you to me, ooh, baby

I fought my way through the rush hour
Trying to make it home just for you
I want to make sure that your dinner
Will be waiting for you

But when you get there you just tell me
You're not hungry at all
You said you'd rather read the paper
And you don't want to talk

You'd like to think I'm just crazy
When I say that you've changed
I'm convinced I know the problem
You don't love me the same

You're just going through the motions
And you're not being fair
I've got my pride, I will not cry
Still I can't help but care

I'm not your superwoman
I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down
And think that everything's okay
Boy, I am only human
This girl needs more than occasional hugs
As a token of love from you to me

I'm not your superwoman
I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down
And think that everything's okay
Boy, I am only human
This girl needs more than occasional hugs
As a token of love from you to me

Ooh baby, look into the corners of your mind
I'll always be there for you through good and bad times
But I can't be that superwoman that you want me to be
I'll give my love, oh, lasting love if you'll return love to me

I'm not your superwoman
I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down
And think that everything's okay
Boy, I am only human
This girl needs more than occasional hugs
As a token of love from you to me

Ah ha, if you feel it in your heart
And you understand me
Stop right where you are
Everybody sing along with me

I'm the kind of girl that can treat you so sweet
But you've got to realize
That you've got to be sweeter to me
I need love, I need just your love

I'm not your superwoman
I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down
And think that everything's okay
Boy, I am only human
This girl needs more than occasional hugs
As a token of love from you to me

source: Karyn White - Superwoman Lyrics | MetroLyrics 

The circle of life

Lightning has come.

The forest is burning.

Many creature has fallen except the land.

The soil does not burn but it goes black.

Time is passing, the wind still blows, and the sky still rains.

The land is still dead, until a sprout come.

Slowly, the land filled with grass and the bugs inhabited the land.

The spores and seeds stuck in their body and they spread the seed.

More and more bugs filled the land and small animals inhabited the land.

They eat the bugs and dig the seeds to store their food.

The seed sprouted and a small tree grew.

The plant, bugs and small animal live together in the land.

More and more animals live in land and the bigger animals inhabited the land.

This time, some big animals eat the small animals and some live with them.

They live together and balance the life of the land.

And the land revived with every being existence.

up and down

up and down

up and down

up and down

I love going up

I hate going down

when I jump, I want to reach the top

but I falling down, and I don't like it

so I jump again, again and again

and then I reach the top, but it was so short

I fell down harder, it hurts so much

I don't want to stop, I want go on

my time is running out, must put it all!

my friend is coming, they ask me

what are you doing? it's not important

so I said, what I do to reach the top is important

KRRIIINNGGG!! the bell is ringing!!

time to go. Now I am satisfied

FULFILL PART 10 (MEMORIES OF ANA 3)

“this will sting a bit, but bear it a bit.” Kata jururawat sambil mencucuk jarum di lengan saya.

“don’t worry, I’m not scared of injection, miss Dorothea.” Balas saya dengan tenang.

Dan jururawat itu memberikan suntikan dengan ubat. Ubat yang mereka berikan ini adalah ubat yang masih lagi dalam ujian dari syarikat Fulfill. Dalam sepanjang proses pengambilan ubat ini, doctor Augnio dan jururawat Dorothea akan tinggal di Malaysia buat beberapa ketika untuk melihat perkembangan saya.

“are you scared, miss Anna?” Tanya Dr. Augnio dengan nada serius. Dr. Augnio dan cik Dorothea mestinya risau dengan keadaan saya walaupun mereka tahu saya dah mengambil keputusan untuk menjadi pesakit yang mencuba ubat mereka.

“I am scared, but this is better than doing nothing.”

“….” Dr. Augnio memandang saya sambil berfikir. “very well, take this.” dan dia memberikan saya satu pil.

“just have a good night sleep with this.”

Saya terus menelan pil tersebut dan mula rasa mengantuk.

Cik Dorothea menyelimutkan saya dan berkata “sleep well, Anna…” tetapi kata-kata dia menjadi pudar kerana saya mula tak dapat mengawal ngantuk saya.

“…….can…… make…. It …..?”

“she……compati…..”

“…….”

…………………….

Di dalam tidur saya, saya nampak segalanya kosong. Di dalam kekosongan itu, ada satu bintik hitam tidak jauh dari pandangan mata saya. Saya mendekati bintik itu.

Bintik itu mula membesar menjadi sebiji bola hitam. Di saat saya menghampiri bola itu, saya merasa tidak selesa.

“!!!” saya terbangun dari mimpi saya saat saya merasa tidak selesa.

Fajar belum terbit pada masa itu, dan bilik saya masih gelap lagi, tapi saya rasa saya dah tidur dalam satu jangkamasa yang sangat pendek.

4 jam kemudian

“I see,”dan Dr. Augnio mencatat data dalam failnya “ and there is no other changes?”

Saya menggeleng dan berkata “nope.”

“it’s alright, it might be too early to see the effect of the medicine.”

“here’s your another injection.” Kata Cik Dorothea dengan memberikan saya satu lagi suntikan ubat.

“we will give you the last medicine  tonight, please rest for now.”

“Yes, miss Dorothea.”

Tapi tak lama lepas tu, saya tidur dan mimpi benda yang sama lagi.

?????

Saya dah mula nampak benda itu. Ia makin dekat dengan saya. Saya merasa tak selesa dan cuba menjauhi diri saya dari situ. Tapi tangan kiri saya bergerak dengan sendiri dan menyentuh benda itu.

Pada saat itu saya terjaga…..!

“AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!”

Terkejut dengan jeritan saya, Cik Dorothea berlari menuju ke bilik saya “what’s wrong, Anna!!”

“TANGAN AKU!!! SAKIT!!!”

“what do you mean?”

“MY HAND!!! IT HURTS!!!”

Akhirnya Dr. Augnio datang dan saya diberikan ubat penenang. Selepas beberapa ketika saya boleh bertenang walaupun tangan saya masih sakit lagi.

Saya menggunakan tenaga yang masih tersisa lagi untuk bercakap “Dr….”

“yes, Anna?”

“please…. Give me softer bed….”

“what?”

“this bed…. Feels like barbed wire….. it hurts my hand…”

Important Advice

This taste bitter... but somehow i felt sweetness.

Though me as i taste mocha.

I hate coffee, but since this is the only kind of chocolate drink they sell in this store, why don't I give it a try?

saa.... the rain begin to pour. I shouldn't go out right now, but I will miss the bus.

Therefore, I run with all my might to the bus stop, believing that I will miss it at any moment.

And I arrive at the bus stop, but how sad. The bus will be coming for another half an hour....

Luckily, there's a resting place at this bus stop.

Then, I realize the seat is full except for the man who's talking for non-stop. He just talking about everything from nonsense to about his family. I don't think anyone's listening to him, since many people sit away from him.

But I don't have any place to sit, and it will be very awkward and tiring to stand up and wait for bus, so I decided to sit beside him.

Glare!

Uh-oh, our eyes met.

And as expected, he talking for non-stop.... but it will be very rude if I didn't listening to him... alright! Say whatever you want to say! Let me listen to you!

And he began to mutter the nonsense. I just reply with "uh hmm," and "Yes." until he said

"do you know that yesterday there's a crow and a pigeon? well, they fighting with each other just to shit on my clothes!!"

"ye... what!? ahahahahaha!!" I ended up laugh with his nonsense. Once I realize it, I quickly shut my mouth. But he keeps on talking.

Except, his words becoming more rational.

"then, near that store never sells chocolate! only coffee, coffee, and COFFEE!!"

"oh, about that sir, they now sells mocha!"

"really!!?"

"yeah!"

"that's great! I can bring my wife to taste that!! ......" and he becoming silent. "no, she won't come."

At that time, I know he has something that shouldn't be asked, so I be silent. But he

"my wife has been isolating herself.... she never wants to come out... since 'bogeyman' took her 'soul' ...."

"....." I can't say anything, but I can feel how painful it is through his words.

"worse, since then she becoming a 'corpse', and leave me behind, taking away anything i had...."

"..." there's nothing more I can say, but look at him.

He shut his mouth, and look at me straight in my eyes.

"you're a good person. I want to give you a very important advice. Please listen carefully."

"yes."

"no matter what, take care of yourself. This world is very dangerous."

"yes..."

"I don't want anything happen to you, you're a kind person. Please remember it."

"I will..."

Then, the bus is coming.

"I'm sorry, I have to go." and I stand up.

And he smile, "thank you..."

"bye bye." and I ride the bus while waving at him. the bus moving, and he's gone from my sight.

soon after that, I had known the man is having a mental problem, and he just can utter nothing rational aside from nonsense. I never seen him again.

But I believe our last conversation and his last advice to me is his words when he is still sane.

Farewell, Human.

When I was born,

The first thing that i saw with my both eyes is a human who lying down, looking at me while holding the sword.

And further miles inside that cave is a giant dragon, that died from the human.

Of course judging from the situation, that human has slain my mother and tries to slain me but died before he come to me. But I though that human is my mother, and I call it many times to wake it up.

That 'mother' never wake up.

And I am very hungry.

So I eat the big dragon to fill my hunger.

And stay beside 'mother' for a very long time.

Time passes, the food has run out, I have no other choice but to walk out of the cave, leaving the nest and 'mother'.

Outside the cave, I saw a wide view of valley, filled with forest and wild creatures that I never seen.

All I can see at that time is food everywhere I goes. I eat whatever I found and I drink as much as I can in so I wont be hungry again.

Once i filled my hunger, I stay inside the cave and be with my 'mother'.

After long time, that 'mother' eventually becoming bones, and then just leave traces of its existence.

 It was then I realize that 'mother' I have stay for a very long time have leave me.

 'mother' leave me.I felt very sad.

I goes out of the cave and cry out loud.

'mother' ! Where are you!

'mother' ! don't leave me!

But it was all in vain. 'mother' never heard my cry.

It was very lonely.

Until I met Lowe.

Lowe is a young male 'mother', who got lost in the forest.

Lowe is weak. He scared of me the first time he met me.

I am so happy that time because I met 'mother' although this 'mother' looks quite different than I remembered.

Once Lowe realise I won't harm him, he walk away from me.

All I did from that moment is just following him.

"what are you doing?! stop following me!!" shout Lowe as he's angry at me.

I was very impressed because he make a very different cry than what I always do.

so that's why 'mother' can't hear me, though me as I hear his shouting more.

In the end, Lowe bring me to a village and hide me inside a big storage.

But not long after that, the village chief found out about me.

Lowe is punished with a cane because of me. "DON'T HURT LOWE!!" I shout to them by mimicking the cry Lowe once made before.

The villagers was very surprise of me and change their treatment toward me and Lowe.

"you can talk?" ask Lowe as he is very surprised.

only that one time. But since then, Lowe treat me as his precious friend.

Eventually, I can master the cry that is known as 'talk'.

Not long after that, Lowe grown and becoming a man.

"Drago." that is the name Lowe always called me. "let's get out of the village and travel together."

I didn't really understand why Lowe said that to me. Isn't the village is comfortable to live with? Why bother to leave?

Still, I followed him and together we left the village.

Lowe and I travels a lot and see so many things and met so many 'mother's.

Soon, we become well known, and being summoned by the king, just to meet me.

Surprisingly enough, the king wants Lowe to live with him by becoming a king and marry his daughter.

Finally Lowe settle down and becoming a king.

Things going well until Lowe gets old and die of old age.

I began to realize that these 'mother' I have known was not my real mother, but a being that should be known as 'human' and I am not the same kind as them.

No, maybe I have known for long ago but I never acknowledge it until Lowe's death.

But then, what am I?

Where is others that like me?

And that is why I have made my decision.

"you're going to leave this palace?" ask the young prince, who is Lowe's grandchildren.

" I have live for a very long time thinking that I am a 'human'. I am never belong in this place, young prince." reply me while lying down to look at this very small child.

"my body have grown immensely, the palace might can't hold me. And what's more, Lowe is gone. I have no other reason to stay with 'human'."

"But where will you go?"

"Wherever, I have a very long lifespan to spend, young prince." and I walk out to the large field in the palace. I opened my wing, ready to flight.

"I will miss you." said the prince.

I can't help but happy with his word.

"Farewell, human." and I fly with all my might without ever turning back.